If you’re chronically online, you’ve probably heard all the horror stories about dating in cities like New York and Atlanta. As a 35-year-old woman living in Atlanta, let me just say… a lot of those stories hit a little too close to home.
So much so, that I took a 2½-year hiatus from dating.
To be honest, I’m still on that hiatus, but over St. Patty’s weekend, one of my homegirls and I decided to go out for a little karaoke night at one of our favorite dive bars. You know the type. Sticky concrete floors, $6 well drinks, and a room full of people who are genuinely there to have a good time.
One thing about Atlanta though? You could be standing next to a drug dealer or a millionaire business owner and have absolutely no idea which is which.
Anyway, we’re out, vibing, singing, minding our business, and we end up meeting a group celebrating their friend’s birthday. In that group, there was a man with masculine energy just oozing off of him, paired with a surprisingly sweet personality. He bought drinks for me and my friend all night.
By the end of the night, we exchanged numbers, but honestly, I didn’t expect to hear from him again. I actually forgot about him.
And to be fair, over the past few years I’ve been intentionally working on decentering men, so one good interaction wasn’t about to sweep me off my feet anyway. We’ll unpack that in another post.
But he didn’t forget about me.
A few days later, he texted me saying it was nice meeting me. The next day, he asked me out to dinner at a restaurant I’d never heard of, but it looked cute, so I agreed.
I didn’t remember much about how he looked, but I remembered he was kind and I felt safe. That was enough.
We ended up arriving at the restaurant at the same time, and let me just say, he was way more handsome than I remembered.
The date was actually really nice. Easy conversation, lots of laughs, and no pressure. I was pleasantly surprised.
He told me he felt comfortable with me.
And that’s exactly when things started to unravel.
🚩 Let’s Talk About the Red Flags
I’m just going to get straight to it.
First, his ring.
I’ve recently gotten into artisan jewelry, so I noticed it immediately. It said “Trust No One” and had a design of a handshake, but one of the hands was a snake.
Cool ring. Terrible message.
Because yes, he meant it in real life.
Which leads to red flag number two.
He casually shared that he lives an open dating lifestyle.
Translation
He dates multiple women. Simultaneously. With zero intention of committing.
He made it very clear. He doesn’t believe in love. He doesn’t plan to be with anyone long term. And women, in his words, are his “stress relief.”
Now, I listened.
And then I told him very calmly that lifestyle doesn’t work for me.
Of course, he challenged me. “Well, you’ve never tried it.”
Sir.
Trying a cookie you’ve never had before is one thing. Rewiring your entire relationship standard is another. I’m very clear on what I will and will not tolerate, and a man managing a rotation of women with no intention of commitment is a hard no.
At this point, I was slightly irritated, but I checked myself and decided to just enjoy the rest of the evening. I was already outside, so I might as well.
🚩 And Then It Got Even Weirder
Shortly after he told me all of this, a woman he knew walked into the restaurant.
He immediately greeted her and bought her a drink.
I’m sitting there like… oh?
After a while, once she had a few drinks in her system, she came over to our table.
And unprovoked, she starts explaining:
“Oh no, we’re just friends. We’ve never hooked up or anything. He’s just really nice.”
…
Ma’am.
I didn’t ask.
And the energy of the whole interaction felt very… rehearsed.
It gave “I’m part of the rotation but trying to look harmless while he’s on a date.”
Very much “I’m a cool girl,” no threat, nothing to see here.
And I’m just sitting there thinking… this is exactly what he just described. SHOOK
🚩 More Clarity, More Concerns
Then I asked more about his lifestyle.
He goes out at least three times a week.
Three. Times. A. Week.
Meanwhile, I’m an experience girlie. Dinners, activities, curated vibes. Not just bar hopping on repeat.
And of course, with the lifestyle he lives, often comes light drug use.
I shared that I don’t do drugs.
And let’s be honest, when people say “occasionally,” you can usually multiply that by three and get a more accurate picture.
🚩 The Final Assessment
At this point, I already knew this was not a match.
But the vibes were still vibing, and I hadn’t been on a date in a while, so I let myself enjoy the moment for what it was.
He walked me to my car.
And then we kissed.
A lot.
Steamy, lingering, make-you-forget-your-standards-if-you’re-not-careful type of kisses.
And in that exact moment, I had a very clear thought.
If I keep dealing with this man, I will lose every ounce of sense I have.
This right here is what I call an Atlanta Demon.
Men who are charming, attractive, emotionally unavailable, and dangerously good at creating chemistry are straight from the gates of hell. I’m convinced.
✨ The Lesson
To be fair, he’s not a bad person.
He has a solid career. He has hobbies. He’s self-aware enough to be honest about who he is.
But his lifestyle, his values, and his intentions are completely misaligned with mine.
And that’s the part that matters.
Because here’s the truth.
You cannot build something meaningful with someone who has no intention of building anything at all.
It doesn’t matter if he’s nice.
It doesn’t matter if he’s generous.
It doesn’t matter if the chemistry is insane.
If the foundation is off, everything else will eventually collapse.
💅🏾 Final Word from Your Posh Auntie
Men like this are everywhere.
And as women who are self-aware, evolving, and intentional, we have to be disciplined enough to walk away quickly.
Not after you’re attached.
Not after you’re confused.
Not after you’ve been crying in your group chat for three weeks.
Immediately.
Because entertaining misalignment will have you stuck in cycles that drain your time, your energy, and your peace.
Stay safe.
Stay grounded.
And most importantly,
Stay demon free, ladies. ✨