Tyler Perry recently sat down on the Keep it Positive Sweetie podcast with Crystal Renee Hayslett. During the interview, he volunteers some advice to black women on obtaining love.
“In our society right now, Black women are making a lot more money, for the most part, than Black men. If you can find love, if that man works at whatever job and is a good man, and is good to you, and honors you, and honors the house, and honors his wife, and does what he can, that is okay.”
The above clip went viral and provoked outrage from black women. Rightly so. Black women have to constantly be aware of how we show up in society, and desirability is no exception. Black women are fed up, and continuously being told to shrink and settle really struck a chord with many. Where is the accountability for black men? Let’s encourage black men to expand, heal, and grow to be the partners that black women need because the last thing many black women need is another responsibility to carry on our backs. Additionally, when this type of dynamic happens there is often resentment from men creating disfunction and trauma.
I do believe one exception to this rule could potentially be young daters. Those who are in their early 20’s and are both working toward building their lives. Ultimately, people in a relationship need to be equally yoked mentally and, ideally, financially. If a man has low ambition in their mid 30’s to 40’s, he will probably remain a low ambitious person. Having goals, dreams, and work ethic is important to many educated black women as many have been raised to have those qualities and a person that can only pay a light bill probably doesn’t have many of those traits.
Now, someone will jump in and say, well what if it is just for a season? Then that is up for you to asses as you chat with that man. My note of advice is to ensure you have a therapist on stand-by as the broke man’s trauma is loading while you wait to uncover his situation.
